My Workout Journey
I grew up being extremely active and engaged in quite a few sports, with my primary focus (and talent) around softball. I grew tall more than I grew out, and what I lacked in speed, always being slightly awkward, I made up in power. I eventually dropped all my other sports to singlehandedly pursue softball, in hopes of acquiring a college scholarship for pitching.
After my first diagnosis of a spinal cord tumor, I kept playing softball, but more for fun and less for competition. My spinal cord adapted to it’s new benign passenger, and I had lost form and function due to modifying my everyday movements to avoid pain. Running = knife up the tailbone pain. So, I took up golf at 15, and let me tell you, a softball swing does not help your driving game. After my second diagnosis, I stopped playing softball and golf, and finally, after my brain tumor diagnosis, I never touched any competitive physical activity again. My brain surgery and the following chemo-therapy regimens kept me in a wheelchair and a walker for months, not able to see the world without spinning or falling. My powerhouse body slowing atrophied into a smaller and smaller being, with my lowest weight under 100 lbs (I am 5’9, and always weighed between 130-150 lbs). I couldn’t eat, couldn’t keep any food down when I did mange to eat, and couldn’t move a couple of feet without feeling exhausted.
When I was finally able to resurface and begin my slow-road to recovery, exercise was the last thing on my mind, especially since I had a completely new normal on how my body worked and communicated. I began walking without a walker or a cane, got outfitted for a brace that helped with my foot-drop, and began shifting back into “real-life”. I started working again, graduated my university (with only one extra semester), and started asking myself what I actually wanted to do in life.
When you become so hyper-focused on survival, you forget to thrive, and my world began opening up in ways I didn’t expect. How would I fill my time, now that I had more energy? What healthier habits should I start implementing, now that I could actually eat again? How was I going to work out, or even get around, now that I had a new set of physical boundaries I needed to embrace? I was not able to sit-to-stand with just my legs, walk long distances, get up off the floor without help, and could be blown over by a breeze. Both of my feet no longer lifted up (foot-drop), so I couldn’t walk without modifications and my balance was completely shot, almost having a complete vertigo-like symptoms from the three new holes in my brain. Yet, wherever there is a problem, there is always a solution! You just have to be willing to try, get creative, and be pretty f*cking patient (pardon my french, but not really because #patienceisnotmyvirtue). Amy, my BFF x all universes/platonic wifey/soul sister/soul contract, started researching for me and found multiple activities she would think I could do. She became my researcher, and inspired me to try something new, always giving me the safety of having a friend in a room full of new strangers.
Practicing crow pose with a block for visual support.
One day, back around 2012, she sent me a message about barre classes from Dailey Method. Developed by Jill Dailey, it focuses on strengthening and toning the body through a blend of pilates, yoga, and orthopedic exercises. In other words, I could hold on to my ballet barre while I attempted to re-activate my lower half. I signed up immediately, and was both terrified and excited to begin.
I knew I would need to advocate for myself immediately, knowing my disability would change the way I did the exercises in class and I wanted to get as much out of this experience as I could. I distinctly remember my very first class and insanely hard it was for me to get through! My body has not been moving since before my brain and spinal cord tumors, and any muscle I had left cried tears of disbelief in class as I awkwardly trudged through. I can still remember how difficult it was to hold a plank, and I was just on my knees! I was also beyond nervous to be in a group class, knowing others were looking at me, wondering about me, and how I knew I stood out among the other fit, toned, and able women. You can’t help but want to be invisible, especially when I needed help every step of the way from the instructors with modifications and adaptations.
During my second class ever at Dailey Method, I met my soon-to-be forever coach/mentor/instructor/friend, Heather Walther. She came with a physical therapy background, and knew exactly how I should modify, and where I should start building form and foundation in our classes. She helped to make my adaptations completely normal and easy to implement, while also pushing me to limits I never knew I had. She was, by far, the hardest fitness instructor I have ever had, and set the tone for my next eight years of growth on my fitness journey.
Our last day at Dailey Method #behappybebright
Our studio eventually closed, and both Heather and I made our way to a new concept in 2016 called Palm Health here in St. Louis, MO. Palm combines a holistic medical boutique, focusing entirely on your well-being and complete healing, with a fitness center so you can have a total healthy lifestyle plan. Heather taught classes very similar to barre that were called full-body sculpt, focusing around total body strengthening and toning, and a power yoga class (a vinyasa style flow). Even with the comfort of having a friend as the teacher, I had to figure out a new system to effectively workout with my unique body. I had no ballet barre, so I wasn’t able to stand up from the floor, or hold any standing poses without the possibility of falling. Heather and I got creative, and she pulled out the stationary spin bikes during our classes to act as a lever to pull myself up with from floor to stand and to hold onto while balancing. Whenever there is a problem, you can always find a solution, even if it is a little weird and eccentric!
Once I had my system set-up and my comfort zone expanded, I started integrating yoga into my weekly routine. The beginning was awkward, clumsy, and challenging, as I was re-training myself to move into poses I haven’t seen or tried in years. Yet, I was able to see my body transition from these ungraceful, clunky movements to actually keeping up with the rest of the class in powerful and rigorous poses. Certain parts of my body still don't activate, such as my right leg and glutei muscles, but now I am able to drop into my body and know exactly where I can push and where I need to modify. Back in 2012, I couldn’t hold a plank on my knees without breaking, and now I am dropping into side-crow and balancing completely on my arms. I am currently seeing my body start to hold Warrior 3, without holding onto my spin bikes for support, and getting deeper into half-moon pose on my left side. Yoga practice has given me growth points in my fitness adventure by showing me how my body grows into a pose over time, inching closer and closer to expansion. It almost seems like watching flowers bloom - one day, they are only a dream, and the next you have a full garden, with no idea when exactly it happened.
Studio Emerge by Heather.
As we are both expanding into a new comfort zone, I am so excited to share that Heather has just opened up her first ever virtual studio - Studio Emerge by Heather! It is just as amazing, supportive, and challenging as it is in a group setting. In the past, I continuously moved my schedule around to ensure I was working out regularly with Heather, and to now how my favorite classes online is amazing! My fitness goals center around having my brain and legs able creating new neuro-pathways to start communicating again, to be able to sit-to-stand without the help of my arms, and to actually have an incredible ass (no inverted behind here anymore)! With the last few years of building a foundation of fundamentals, stamina, and resolve with key supporters like Heather Walther, I am now able to challenge myself with a variety of online classes, indulging in the creative and innovative teachers that COVID has brought forth. Once you start listening to your body, and actually moving it, you might be surprised at what you can accomplish!
Whether you are socially isolating, or living in a bit of chaos, I highly recommend Heather’s newest online studio! It incorporates power yoga, full-body sculpting, and segments on recovery with myofacial releases with RAD balls with a variety of time segments so you can fit it into your schedule. Click on the link below, and you can try it out for ten days for free! And, if you haven’t tried myofascial release with these little suckers, you are in a for a sweet surprise.
Helpful Hints (especially if your body works outside the boundaries of ‘normal’):
Get comfortable being uncomfortable! Incorporate multiple different types of workouts in your schedule. Your body gets used to moving one certain way, and when you challenge it, you create new neuroplasticity in your brain and your body starts adapting. Don’t worry if you feel like you look silly, or feel like you can’t keep up! No one every actually starts out being incredibly graceful and full of stamina. It takes time for you body to learn how to move and adjust to a new routine.
Once you try a few things, find a workout that you actually enjoy doing! It sounds so simple, but if you are actually excited to work-out, whether it is hula-hooping, dancing, yoga, boxing, etc, you will find time to incorporate it. Play around, and actually have some fun! Exercise doesn’t have to be all dumbbells, running, or squats.
Start seeing what makes you feel good during your workouts. Wear something sexy or fun, and feel uber-confident in your skin. Put on your shortest shorts, and your best crop top, and fake your confidence until your not faking it. Often times, we are so worried about how we/our outfit/our form/our sweat/our stamina looks to the humans next to us, that we forget to just enjoy moving our bodies. Just be in your body, and start seeing what feels good!
Always learn the foundation and correct form of your workouts. It may sound boring, but once you learn the correct form, you can see where you can challenge or modify the pose. However, don’t push your body into doing an exercise that doesn’t feel juicy before it’s ready. You don’t want to injure yourself, put your body in any pain, or have long-term consequences when you are just starting out.
Find your person that challenges you, motivates you, and supports you. They know where you are, meets you there, and helps you achieve your goals every step of the way. It can be a trainer, a teacher, or a friend, but find that someone that makes you want to sweat-it-out at 9 am on a Monday.
Know what you need accountability-wise. I am a group-fitness fanatic, and would much rather take classes, even when I need a lot more props and adaptations than others, than workout by myself. If you need structure, set your alarm, or always pick the same class at the same time. If you can be more in the flow, know what online classes are out there that inspire you at all hours when your inspiration hits.
Start practicing embodiment work, and actually get to know your body and what it is telling you. How do you feel before and after a workout? What does your body need food, sleep, movement-wise? Practice sensing your body, conversing with your body, and learning what it really wants. You might be surprised at your stamina level, what turns you on, or what you actually love to do!
Laugh at yourself! Finding humor and joy in your situation will only help you push past your feeling of being uncomfortable. And, keep in mind, your comfort zone will always be expanding or contracting. Being uncomfortable allows you to discover new, hidden depths within yourself and gives you the chance to find your new edge.
Last, but most definitely not least, celebrate yourself when you hit a milestone. Brag, boast, be excited about what you have accomplished! Celebrating yourself gives you milestones along your journey to show you how far you have come, and gives you the confidence to keep going. Don’t feel silly! Even if it is walking mile at the slowest speed, you still freaking did it babe! Your always a certified badass, you just have to believe it!
My personal Resources:
The Dailey Method Barre Classes:
- Offers both physical and online studios, with ballet inspired workouts.
- www.thedaileymethod.comPalm Health
- An integrative health and wellness center, located in St. Louis, MO and Morristown, NJ
- www.palmhealth.comStudio Emerge by Heather
- An online studio that specializes in form and efficiency, while offering an incredible, fun, and challenging workout. Try it out for ten days for free, with no commitment! Heather uploads new content every week, and loves to hear feedback on what you might want to see in the future.
- www.studioemerge.comOttobach
- If you do have a disability, there are incredible inventions out there to make your life easier. Don’t be afraid or shy of researching and navigating this area. My braces are the WalkOn by Ottobach and I have had incredible success with them. Find a specialized physical therapist who supports your goals, and see what they can tell you. I have tried a number of cool things, including electrical stimulation, but these work best for me!
- www.ottobach.comRAD Roller
- Myofasical release rounds help target trigger points and release tension in all areas of your body, bringing you the “hurts so good” sensations. They even come with an app to help you find the exact spots you need in your body! You don’t even know what your missing until you roll these bad boys on your hands or jawline! BYOM = bring your own massage.
- www.radroller.comBlack Mountain Trekking Poles
- I take these EVERYWHERE! If I need a little extra balance or support, they are my go-to for any physical endurance activity, such as hiking, walking longer distances, traveling, etc. They allow my brain to have the proprioception it needs to help find balance and ease, and allows me to walk faster and longer in more physical environments. These babies have been in the jungle, on mountains, in forests, in the ocean, and are great at making others move out of your way.
- www.blackdiamondequipment.com
I’m excited to share where I go from here, as many of my goals are still in play! Know that this is my own journey, and I am sharing what worked for me, but it may be different for you! Play around, get expert advice, and see what inspires you. If you have questions about anything, don’t hesitate to contact me!
