The Year of Transformation: Embracing the Magic of Change

This year has been a wild one.

The number 13 reigns queen, ushering in death and transformation. A shedding of old systems, beliefs, and ways that no longer serve me, clearing the path for what is meant to come next.

I hesitated to write my story this year, swept up in magic, love, business ideas, learning, community, and the transition from an old job to a new one. Like the ocean tides, I’ve been learning to follow my magnetism—my pulls, my energy.

In the past, I had 13 tumors in my brain and spine. And for 13 years, I remained tumor-free. Until January. Siteman now believes there is a 14th tumor—tiny, minuscule, sitting somewhere deep in my brain. Yet, there is no clear resolution. I was told, "You are so far down the decision tree, there is not much left for you to do." I am rare—a unicorn, dare I say.

I have been deeply challenged by the shortcomings of our Western medical system. Where there is no disease, there is no money, so there is no research. Not that I believe in chemotherapy and radiation much anymore. I’ve done it all, explored the depths of what top hospitals have to offer, and my body has suffered because of it. 

So now, I get to explore. I have the freedom to discover Eastern principles, to learn holistic health, and to follow my joy and curiosity to new and uncharted places. I get to learn how to be alive. And let me tell you—having a life and being alive are two very different things.

The Siren Song of Comfort

The comfort zone calls to me—a siren’s song of complacency, illusion, quiet. It whispers, Settle in, root deep, be still. Take what you can get and be grateful for the scraps, even if you’re still hungry.

I was taught that settling breeds safety, and we all desire to be safe, nurtured, and loved. But safety can be an illusion—a glass cloche sheltering a plant. What happens when the plant suffocates because there is no air left?

This eternal dance between comfort and growth is ever-present. And I think I am finally understanding the middle. Seeing the balance and counterbalance. Moving slowly, making decisions that align. Releasing fear’s grip. Flowing with my emotions. Aligning with love inside and out.

Love allows me to trust the process, to trust myself and others. Love grounds me deeper and expands me taller.

I love my story. I love my life. I love my soul connections, my community. I love myself, first and foremost. I love the ups and downs. I am privileged to be alive. I am privileged to live.

And the two are not mutually exclusive.

You have to choose to live. To feel alive. That means embracing all that life offers—not just the sunshine and rainbows. So I ask you:

What are you avoiding?
What turns you on?
What makes you feel things?

The Year of Why the Fuck Not

This past year, I have constantly challenged myself to become more of myself. To follow dreams, adventures, and those “why the fuck not” timelines. Because why not?

I officially have my LLC. I get to help people through tarot and astrology readings. And somehow, I am now a DJ. My inner child—the one obsessed with She-Ra, Xena, and all things magic—would be wildly in love with my 38-year-old self.

You only have the present moment. You get to choose how to be alive. Speak your dreams. Create them. Think them into existence.

Failure? It’s just information for how not to do something.

Welcome to the New Year

It’s April—so technically, a new year in the old way of things. And I am here, falling back into love every single day. Loving grief. Loving apathy. Loving exhaustion. Loving wildness. Loving being human - in all its weird and painful ways. I get to be in this gorgeous body full of scars, of holes, of twitches and pain, of energy and thought, of dreams and shadows. How fucking cool is that?

Who knows what this year will bring, both individually and collectively? But what I do know is this:

✨ Love is always the answer.
✨ Community is vital.
✨ Joy is abundant.
✨ Art is free.
✨ Magic is afoot.

Dream big, babies. Call it in. We are connected to infinity.

Let’s live.

Gorgeous photos by Jessica’s Kinzel based in St. Louis, MO.